That player said that he would fly to New York for future negotiations if the negotiations were at a point that warranted his attendance.  That player could save the NBA.  That player’s name is Kobe Bryant.  This is the story of how Kobe Bryant taking over the role of lead negotiator on behalf of the Union will save the NBA season.

NBA’s new collective bargaining agreement meetings will continue.  Billy Hunter will remain at the head of the table with his right-hand D-Fish by his side.  Both Fisher and Hunter will vow that the players continue to “stand” united.  For hoops-heads everywhere, intervention is required.  Kobe cannot wait for Billy and D-Fish to call his iPhone.  Kobe must take over the role of lead negotiator.

As Billy Hunter, D-Fish, and Commissioner Stern sip their morning coffee and being the civil discourse that reportedly has characterized negotiations, loud music all of a sudden starts playing.

Kobe enters the bargaining room flanked by Gilbert Arenas and Caron “Tough Juice” Butler.  While Commissioner Stern, Billy Hunter, and D-Fish believe that Kobe, Kaman, and Caron are coming to join in negotiations, they had no idea what was really in store for the meeting.

After greeting the parties to the bargaining session and a bit of friendly discourse, Kobe proceeds to his chair.  Rather than taking a seat at the table, Kobe takes his chair and knocks Hunter over the head, then points at Fish and then slowly at the door.  Knowing his role, D-Fish, head down, slowly walks out of the negotiation room.  Gilbert and Butler then start kicking Hunter while he is on the ground stunned at the turn of events.

Kobe in the role of Hollywood Hulk Hogan, Gilbert as Kevin Nash and Butler in the role of Scott Hall all take their seats at the table, which were previously occupied by Billy Hunter and Derek Fisher.  All three are silent as Kobe just stares, deadpan at Commissioner Stern.  The ensuing conversation takes place:

Stern: Kobe, please let the professionals handle this.
Kobe: I’m going to make that incident in Colorado seem like child’s play when I am done with you, Dave.
Stern: Ha (nervously), good one.
Kobe: I’m f**king serious, here are our demands.  I’ll give you 20minutes to accept or you’ll find out why I’m called the ‘Black Mamba’.
Prokhorov: (in the middle of offering one of the catering girls money for a lap dance) I enjoy Lou Bega.

Meanwhile, in the back of the room, Chris Bosh feels a vibration on his hip.  He receives a text from the Atlanta Dream, it says “need $$? B our #1 option.”

Stern: Kobe, listen most of our teams are losing money.

Kobe: don’t feed be that bullshit.  I’m done with this, Gilbert show him how you handle disputes.
Gilbert arenas then places three hand guns on the table and tells Dave to draw one.

21. Portland Trail Blazers

Jeremy Tyler (PF) – Tokyo Apache (Japan)

If Portland could trade the 21st pick in the draft for new knees for Brandon Roy they would, but they can’t.  Given that Andre Miller is the starting point guard and that his back-up is Patty Mills (really?), Portland decides that it needs to select size and goes with Jeremy Tyler who averaged 9.9 points per game and 6.4 rebounds per game while playing for Tokyo Apache in Japan.  This pick should work out for Portland about as well as Greg Oden, but at least they didn’t pass on Durant to draft Tyler.  This seems to bring us back to the Jailblazers days as write-ups on Tyler say that he needs to work on “maturity.”  I’d also guess that he needs to work on rebounding since he couldn’t average six and a half in the Japanese league.

22. Denver Nuggets

Tobias Harris (PF) – Tennessee

The Denver Nuggets have had two decent first round draft picks in the past 20 years. Carmelo Anthony in 2003 and Dikembe Mutombo in 1991. Aside from that there isn’t a career starter out of the entire lot. And that probably won’t change here. But with the aging Kenyon Martin (how much longer can those knees really last?) playing a smaller role with every passing year, there will be minutes to be had at the 3 and 4 spot behind Al Harrington and Danilo Gallinari. If Harris can build some strength and add some post moves to his offensive game then he could easily break into the rotation. If not, the Nuggets will have some cap room to find someone who can.

23. Houston Rockets (from Magic/Suns)

Donatas Motiejunas (PF) – Lithuania

Two picks in the 1st round of a bad draft . . . not good planning by Houston.  This is Kevin McHale’s 1st draft with the Rockets.  After addressing their growing issues at center, the Rockets take some big white guy, who am I kidding I have no idea, Fran take it away, “In addition, while Motiejunas is not Larry Bird when it comes to his passing skills, he plays with good basketball intelligence. “ Wow, being named in the same conversation as Kevin’s former teammate makes this pick a lock.  A poor man’s Andrea Bargnani here we come!

24. Oklahoma City Thunder

Justin Harper (PF) – University of Richmond

Harper is long and a solid shooter.  The one need that I see for the Thunder is players that can shoot.  Harper could be one of those players.  Harper could also be in the D-League in a year given that he looks and plays a lot like Brian Cook.  At least the Thunder didn’t select Kyle Singler and push Kevin Durant to a different team.  As I hope Sam Presti is aware, Duke players don’t win championships (only 1 NBA Champion in history played at Duke).  I also hope that Sam Presti is aware that Justin Harper is better than Kyle Singler (though that isn’t saying much).

25. Boston Celtics

JaJuan Johnson (PF) – Purdue

The Celtics have two primary needs this off-season, center and every position on their bench. Johnson could greatly improve the bench that let them down big-time in the playoffs by giving them some length at the power forward position that is strongly lacking when Kevin Garnett goes to the bench, or when they go small. Johnson will naturally draw comparisons to Garnett because of their build. Whether Johnson is worthy of them or not will depend on his work ethic and his ability to put on some pounds. Until them will call him Kevin Durant minus the handle and jumpshot.

26. Dallas Mavericks

Nikola Mirotic (SF) – Serbia

Once again, Fran take it away “On talent, Mirotic is a likely late lottery to mid-first round pick. But concerns about his contract abound. NBA scouts I spoke with believe it may be years before he can come to the NBA after he agreed to a long extension with Real Madrid that runs through 2016.”  Well then, let’s take a good talent and wait 5 years to see how this one plays out.  Personally, I am at the edge of my seat, biting my nails in anticipation of Nikola’s arrival to the States.

27. New Jersey Nets (from Lakers)

Josh Selby (PG) – Kansas

The New Jersey Nets, looking for star power prior to their move to Brooklyn select Josh Selby.  Selby is an enigma, he could have gone in the top 10 picks in the draft if he had produced for Kansas.  Injuries and eligibility issues derailed what could have been a clear upgrade for Kansas based upon what Selby brings to the court.  Selby is a natural scorer with athletic gifts.  In a weak draft, Selby is the type of gamble that probably should have been taken 15 picks ago.  When we look back on this draft in 5 years, a lot of teams will be wondering why they missed on Selby, then they will remember that he has “maturity” issues.  The Russian should be able to alleviate some concerns as to Selby’s character by wielding his Russian muscle.  If it works, the Nets got a steal and potentially a bonafide star when they move into their new arena.

28. Chicago Bulls (from Heat/Raptors)

Tyler Honeycutt (SF) – UCLA

The Chicago Bulls need another scoring option to help Derrick Rose.  They also need a backup PG, as he cannot be expected to play 45minutes a night.  In comes Tyler Honeycutt, who solves neither of these issues.  But, he is an athletic big man who can block shots and run the floor.  Think Tyrus Thomas without the large contract.  Look for the Bulls to address the backup PG issue with their next pick.

29. San Antonio Spurs

Iman Shumpert (PG) – Georgia Tech

Rumor has it the Spurs are shopping the ex Mr. Longoria-Parker.  If that is the case, they will likely move up and snag a PG high in the draft.  If they stay put, I expect them to snag another PG here and dangle Tony during the year.  This team is getting old and they will start to revamp their roster in the coming years.

30. Chicago Bulls

Markieff Morris (PF) – Kansas

Why did Markieff get selected 21 picks after Marcus?  Probably because the people conducting this mock draft forgot about him.  Markieff knows his roll.  Markieff hits the boards, plays tough interior defense, and has a jumper.  Somehow Kenneth Faried who lacks a jump shot went 9 picks before Markieff.  This pick is a classic case of the rich getting richer.  Thibs will have another defender that he can use to replace Carlos Boozer at the end of games.  Chicago is making a habit of late round gems (e.g. Taj Gibson).  Markieff may be the more talented Morris twin and could have a solid, productive career like Otis Thorpe.

2011 NBA Mock Draft

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11. Golden State Warriors

Tristan Thompson (PF) – Texas

Mark Jackson’s first draft should be interesting. He brings a lot to the table. Jackson has zero years of experience as a coach, but he is a grown man. With that said, mama there goes that man, Tristan Thompson. Think of Thompson as a Taj Gibson like player, adding depth and rebounding to the Warriors’ front court. The Warriors need help with their depth everywhere and Thompson is the best player left on the board of a woefully weak draft. Jackson himself could re-enter his name in this draft and get picked in the 1st round.

12. Utah Jazz

Chris Singleton (SF) – Florida State University

Utah would have loved a point guard here, however, Marshon Brooks is a reach and he’s not a point guard.  Utah also considered Klay Thompson, but needs help defensively.  Enter Chris Singleton, Small Forward, Florida State.  Thompson would have given Utah outside shooting, but at this point, defense is a bigger need.  Trotting out Gordon Hayward, Devin Harris, Al Jefferson, and Enes Kanter would give teams a license to drop 120 per game on Utah.  Singleton hides some of Utah’s defensive deficiencies.  Singleton’s ceiling is slightly higher than ESPN Commentator Bruce Bowen’s ceiling was when he left Cal State Fullerton  Of course, Bowen was undrafted.  In this pathetic draft, the ability to guard 2-3 positions places you squarely in the lottery.

13. Phoenix Suns

Klay Thompson (SG)  - Washington State

Phoenix continues their rebuilding process in the weirdest way possible here by adding some depth in what is likely their shallowest position. Since the beloved Suns nucleus began being dismantled years ago they’ve been a revolving door with the only constant being Steve Nash and later Grant Hill. They look to return to their successful draft selection history by picking up a lengthy shooting guard that can light it up from outside and should be able to contribute early in the season with his only competition being Josh Childress after Half-Man No-Longer-Amazing departs from the desert any day now.

14. Houston Rockets

Nikola Vucevic (C) – USC

The Rockets roll the dice on the Euro card yet again, this time getting Nikola.  With Yao Ming’s feet leaving his ability to ever play again in question, Houston goes with the biggest player in the draft.  He is not very athletic, but he is tall and white, so he has that going for him.  Think of Nikola as a poor man’s Marc Gasol, and jump for joy if you are in the Houston area, as you just landed yourself a nice backup Center!

15. Indiana Pacers

Alec Burks (SG) – Colorado

The Basketball Jesus is upset for a number of reasons right now, but none of them include the name Jimmer Fredette.  He is upset that he has to select a shooting guard that can’t shoot to join a backcourt that includes Dahntay Jones (can’t shoot), Brandon Rush (mediocre shooter at best), Darren Collison (can’t shoot), and Born Ready (can’t shoot).  The Basketball Jesus is also upset because he knows that it is highly doubtful that Burks will ever be able to penetrate a defense at the NBA level like he could when playing against Nebraska.  Alec Burks looks like the second coming of Dahntay Jones… too bad the original Dahntay Jones is already on the Pacers roster.

16. Philadelphia 76ers

Jordan Hamilton (SF) – Texas

With the inevitable trade of Andre Iguodala, Philly moves to bolster their front-court scoring with the versatile and offensive-minded Hamilton. Production out of their front line has been a consistent issue in Philly for a while now. But if they can swing an Iguodala trade that brings them a big man that can contribute consistently then Hamilton will be in a position to be a part of a high-octane lineup with Thad Young, Jodie Meeks and Jrue Holiday that can race teams out of the gym and put points on their face.

17. New York Knicks

Marshon Brooks (SG) – Providence

At the end of the year when the Knicks were starting to pull it together their one glaring weekness that ultimately lead to their demise was their lack of depth at the point guard position. Brooks doesn’t help them there, but he does fill in the gaps at their second-thinnest position, shooting guard. And give them the flexibility to make a trade for a point guard (Steve Nash anyone?) that includes Landry Fields. Brooks is a knock-down shooter and far superior scorer to Fields, who frequently found himself on the bench at the end of playoff games, which will make the job of the teams point guards even easier. And will make teams think twice before doubling Melo or Amare with Brooks’ defender.

18. Washington Wizards (from Hawks)

Bismack Biyombo (PF) – Congo

Chocolate City, the home of Marion Berry, Wale, Donnie Simpson, Big Tig, Alexander Ovechkin, John Wall, and now Bismack Biyombo.  Ted Leonsis thinks that he can recreate the Washington Capitals success with the Bullets by stockpiling talented young players.  We’re not sure the Washington Capitals are worth recreating given that they can’t advance past the Second Round of the NHL Playoffs, but that is a different article.  Regardless, we have some news for Teddy and his vision: John Wall is not Alexander Ovechkin, and Bismack Biyombo is not a late first round gift like Mike Green or John Carlson.  According to Chad Ford, an anonymous general manager described Biyombo’s most recent workout by stating “Bismack Biyombo played one-against-none today . . . and he lost.”  D-League fans get ready because Biyombo sounds a lot like an even less talented version of Hasheem Thabeet.

19. Charlotte Bobcats (from Hornets/Blazers)

Darius Morris (PG) – Michigan

You’ve gotta feel for MJ here. The current Bobcats roster is without a doubt one of the most pathetic rosters I’ve ever seen. They’re one Stephen Jackson away from a D-League team. It’s that bad. So the obvious question is, where do you start? The answer, anywhere. You take the best available player. And at this point, that’s Darius Morris. Since 2005 the Bobcats first round picks have included three UNC players, and a Dukie. It’s time to step outside of MJ’s back yard and pick up Morris from Michigan who will immediately be competing for minutes with D.J. Augustin and Shaun Livingston. MJ has nothing to lose. Out of all of the Bobcats 14 draft picks, only two are still with the team. Augustin and Gerald Henderson. Ouch.

20. Minnesota Timberwolves (from Grizzlies/Jazz)

Kenneth Faried (PF) – Pitino U errr… Moorehead State

KAHN! contemplated Norris Cole & Iman Shumpert, before Ricky Rubio’s agent put out a hit on David’s life.  With that said, Kahn is somehow doing the reasonable thing and helping the T-wolves out with some defense.  Faried is not a flashy guy, but will do the dirty work that Beasley, Wes Johnson & Darko refuse to do.  It’s funny that this is the pick the T-wolves got in the Al Jefferson trade because they have essentially swapped a guy that is all offense and no defense for someone that is all defense and no offense.  There aren’t that many play-makers in the draft, so to come away with a role player is better than… oh I don’t know… Jonas Valanciunas (go ahead Fran, fire away!).

2011 NBA Mock Draft

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1. Cleveland Cavaliers

With the first pick in the 2011 NBA Draft, Dan Gilbert, Nick Gilbert, the Cleveland Cavaliers, John Kasich, the State of Ohio, Joshua Cribbs, Joe Haden, Bernie Kosar  and Vincent Connare select… Derrick Williams (PF) – Arizona.

While this pick does nothing to settle Cleveland’s point guard battle between the ghost of Baron Davis and Under-Performing 1st Team selection Ramon Sessions, Williams is the safest pick in this weak and PG heavy draft. He’ll immediately compete with the aging Antawn Jamison for minutes and will surely shoot a higher field goal percentage. Williams’ biggest plus will be providing the easy buckets that the Cavs have so dearly missed since a certain someone took his “talents” to South Beach.

Added bonus, everyone knows Khan can’t resist drafting point guards so he’ll have no choice but to field a roster with Johny Flynn, Luke Ridnour, Ricky Rubio and Kyrie Irving.

2. Minnesota Timberwolves

With the 2nd pick in the 2011 NBA draft, David Kahn selects, Rick Jackson, Forward from Syracuse. Oh wait, hold on David Stern.  Kahn was just informed he does not have to take players from Syracuse every year.  It is true that he had knowledge from a good source, a B. Simmons, that this was a indeed a rule.  With this new understanding, the Timberwolves will now select Kyrie Irving (PG) – Duke.

This pick allows Minnie to put Ridnour and Flynn back on the bench where they belong (if not in the D league), and gives Kevin Love a reason not to take a walk in cement shoes by the shores of one of the nearby 10,000 lakes.  Ricky Rubio may be in Europe, but only God knows when he will be making the trip across the pond. (Editors note, Rubio just joined the Timberwolves, but Kahn can’t help but make him feel right at home by selecting another PG.)

3. Utah Jazz

Jimmer Fredette, PG out of… Wait, even without Sloan the Jazz aren’t that stupid. The Utah Jazz select Enes Kanter (C) – Turkey.

Utah is the perfect situation for Kanter.  He and Okur can talk about kebabs and Allen Iverson’s street cred in Istanbul. Although he hasn’t played organized basketball for a year, Kanter is 6’11″ and apparently likes to play in the post. NBA teams seem to believe that if a player is 6’11″, it doesn’t really matter whether that player has talent.  History tells us that some team will draft a 6’11” stiff higher than it should because the stiff is 6’11” (right, Portland?).  After missing out on playing with John Wall in college because his name was not Cameron Newton, leading the NCAA to enforce a rule regarding eligibility, Kanter misses out on playing with John Wall in DC thanks to Utah’s early selection. Kanter is a decent pick, it would have been better if Jerry Sloan were still the Coach.

4. Cleveland Cavaliers

Brandon Knight (PG) – Kentucky

At #4 the Cavs still get to pick up the best point guard in the entire draft. Knight will run circles around Beard Man, and lock down Ramon Sessions faster than he can request a trade. His SAT scores and classroom attendance are irrelevant now. All that matters is that Knight has been under the tutelage of a coach that has produced Derrick Rose, Tyreke Evans and John Wall in recent years. Knight will be the next in Coach Cal’s string of academically underachieving and athletically overachieving guards. He’s a rough, raw talent that will mature into a Russell Westbrook-like speedy, menacing defender that opponents must account for.

5. Toronto Raptors

Jonas Valanciunas (C) – Lithuania

The Raptors need a lot of help scoring and rebounding. I can see them contemplating Kemba Walker at this pick, but they already have $20M invested in Calderon and they have Jarred Bayless.  I have no idea who Jonas is, what he does or if he is good, so let’s hear from Fran Fraschilla.  Fran says: “While Valanciunas has tremendous offensive potential, it is based more on his athleticism than his skill level. Right now, he scores most of his points off energy plays like offensive rebounds, fast breaks and in the screen-and-roll game, where he gets a running start to the rim.” Fran’s best case scenario is Pau Gasol, this sounds more like Anderson Varejao to me, good times at #5!

6. Washington Wizards

Kawhi Leonard (SF) – San Diego State

The new-look Bullets have needs at a lot of positions, and by that I mean . . . they need help everywhere. But they seem to be content trying to grow around the Wall, Blatche, and McGee contingent. Since the Bullets can’t draft “Rashard Lewis showing up on game day,” they go with the greatest talent and player with the most potential left on the board. His speed, high motor, and tough-minded attitude will give the Bullets some much-needed help on the defensive end. The Bullets really need a rangy guy, who can push the ball, lock down the other team’s best wing player, and hit the boards. A Tony Allen-type player. Put another way, Josh Howard without the pot problem. And that’s what they’ve got with Leonard.

7. Sacramento Kings

Jimmer Fredette (PG) – Bringham Young University

The cash strapped Maloofs veto Petrie’s proposed pick of Kemba Walker at the last minute and force him to select Jimmer.  Unaware of the rules, they believe that Jimmer will be an easier sign as a college senior, making him an easier sign.  At this point, the Maloofs are willing to do anything to save a buck and the Palms from a Chapter 11 filing.  This author and Mike D’Antoni are both upset because Jimmer was drafted too early and won’t be playing in the Garden where his one truly plus skill – shooting – would have helped Amar’e and Melo.  Instead, Jimmer is banished to Sac-Town where he will get to compete with other non-point guards Marcus Thornton and Tyreke Evans.  The Kings should improve a lot with 3 primary ball-handlers that don’t pass.  The over-under on games before Demarcus Cousins clocks one of Jimmer, Marcus, or Tyreke for failing to get him the ball is now set at 15.  As Chuck would say, Chris Webber is rolling over in his grave right now.

8. Detroit Pistons

Kemba Walker (PG) – UConn

Detroit is in a world of trouble, and their basketball team is a mess as well.  With Rodney Stuckey being an unrestricted free agent and not showing the promise that the Pistons had hoped that he would, I can see a situation where they let him walk and draft Kemba.  Walker is a tough, proven scorer and should help to rebuild this franchise that is crumbling as fast as the American auto industry.  Tristan Thompson and Chris Singleton are both decent options here, but I see Detroit rolling the dice with another UConn Husky.

9. Charlotte Bobcats

Marcus Morris (F) – Kansas

Charlotte Bobcats owner Michael Jordan has almost as many wasted first round picks as championship rings.  Marcus Morris does nothing to change 45’s reputation for blowing draft picks.  This author wonders whether 45 got confused and meant to pick Markieff, the Morris twin that realizes that his spot in the league requires him to play as a face up 4 rather than the Morris twin that is trying to convince general managers that he is a good enough ball handler to play the 3.  This author also wonders whether 45 realizes that this is the same Marcus Morris that got dominated by Jamie Skeen, who the “experts” project to be drafted in the second round at best.  This pick ranks consistent with 45’s selections of Adam Morrison, Kwame Brown, and DJ Augustin, and will help cement 45’s drafting legacy.

10. Milwaukee Bucks

Jan Vesely (SF) – Czech Republic

Scott Skiles and his Bucks had been growing together as a team and improving every year, but have been set back by the injury bug with alarming consistency.  Ownership seems confident in Skiles and their young talented roster. So the Bucks look to shore up their bench with a young, 6’11” Czech with a lot of versatility who they can afford to be patient with.  When Vesely decides to join the Bucks he will be able to work himself into the rotation behind Carlos Delfino and Corey Maggette, and even pick up some minutes at the Bucks’ crowded power forward position.

2011 NBA Mock Draft

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There once was a time, my father often tells me about, that players were respected and respectable.  You could fall in love with a player and watch him for his whole career, more times than none, play with the same team.   They had integrity.  They played hard.  They didn’t complain about contracts or piles of cash.  You could call this integrity.  I said it twice because I know your astonished when I mention the words athletes and integrity together in today’s world.  You could call it sporting.  I call my fathers memories fascinating, like a bed time story of a far away land that players played for the love of the game, their team, and their fans, not “I gotsta get mine.”  Is this place actually true?

“Where can I find them now Daddy?  Where?” I asked him as any 32 year-old man would ask when he sits on his father’s knee.
My father wrote down, “You have to look hard son.  They’re almost extinct.  They’re chameleons, but keep looking, you’ll find one eventually”, he replied.

My father mentions names like Whitey Ford and Meadowlark Lemon.  Bob Cousy and Bob Feller.  They sounded like mythological names alongside Sasquatch and Lochness, but were actually real men.  Men like Bill Russell did have some likeness to Sasquatch, with size and hair, but my father assured me he wasn’t Big Foot.  I marveled at Whitey Ford who played his entire 18 year career with the same team.  This can’t be possible?  You mean I don’t have to buy FOUR Whitey Ford jerseys?

My father also never mentioned drugs in his sport memories either unless he was talking about beer and cigarettes.  Those were the drugs of choice in locker rooms and for ball players of that day.  Heck, doctors said smoking was good for you so of course you smoked.  You never heard of roids or androstene.   These drugs replaced the words “heart” and “will” through most recent years.  The players my father mention played with this heart, as well as broken bones and torn muscles.  They didn’t sit out for turf toe and blisters.  Bobby “Boomer” Baun played with a broken leg in the 1964 Stanley Cup Finals.  A broken leg.  And scored the flippin’ game winning OT goal! ON SKATES?!  I said a BROKEN LEG!  These guys could play and play they did.

Now my father turned to me, with the pain in his face due to what my 180lb frame was doing to his leg, and wrote to me, “Now find a player son”.

Wow.  Really?  I need to find a player?  There are so many, who do I pick?  It’s like American Idol and I’m widdling down the contestants.  Magic? Roy? Farve? Bonds?  As I cycle through the players and write them down, let me tell you about my father in the mean time.

My father is a hard worker.  Always has been.  He gets up every morning at 6am and reads his devotional.  He makes breakfast and kisses my mother goodbye as she walks out the door to her job as a teacher’s aide.  Then he starts to work.  Not the work he’s always done.  He was once Chief Engineer of the Water and Gas Department for the city he’s lived in for the last 28 years.  He holds a Bachelors in Aeronautical Engineering and a Master’s in Mathematics.  Pretty much the smartest person I’ve ever known.  He’s spoke in front of dignitaries and and taught aviation classes.  Now he folds laundry or works on the yard.  He cleans the house and other less résumé building activities.  He does love his birds. They come right up to him everyday like Ace Ventura, just minus the hair.

I wander back to my list and see the name Alex Rodriguez.  Wow, what a hitter!  3x AL MVP!  Over 600 Home-runs! How about him? But like a bad smell that lingers around and you have no clue where its coming from, the word steroids finds its way to my nose.  He admitted to using them and a large question mark flies over my head.  I scratch him off the list and continue pondering my contestants.

Now I learned everything I know about sports from my father.  He taught me how to defend, pass, dribble, shoot and score.  Of course my dad is old school, so in that order.  My father swam in college and can play some mad bball and baseball.  He was also known for hustling people at billiards and bowling growing up in New York and played stick ball with future New York Yankees in the early 50’s.  Not many can beat him with his 6 degrees of separation to Mantle, Maris, Yogi and even the aforementioned Whitey Ford.

It’s about 4pm and he takes a nap on the floor, since the day has just began for his 68 year-old body.  He heads off to work at 5pm, everyday, to work as custodian at his local church.  He cleans floors, fixes doors and make sure everything is in working order.  He does all of this with a smile on his face and not one complaint.  He locks up, takes out the trash and leaves at well after 9 most nights.

Hold on.  Another name on my list.  Kobe Bryant!  Now that’s my player!  5 time NBA Champion!  MVP of the league! Scoring champ! One of the greatest ever.  You can’t get much better than that right?  Then again a few more words come up in his biography.  Rape.  Adultery.  But he’s a sure fire Hall of Famer?  What went wrong?  Another contestant booted off.

My father comes home after a long day to my mother as he’s done so for the last 38 years.  Three kids, two cars, one marriage, 38 years.  She’s sometimes already in bed as he opens up a beer, which he never drinks.  I think he just likes the thought of having one close by just in case of a nuclear war, he’ll have his beer.  He crashes on the floor in his favorite position watching whatever is on his 25″ TV since he’s unable to find the remote nor use it, but he doesn’t care.

That’s my father.  After 68 years he does all that with integrity and happiness even though he had a stroke 16 years ago that left him disabled, out of a job and unable to speak, probably for the rest of his life.  He continues to do it and WILL ALWAYS do it with respect.  He taught my brothers and I to play sports and play life, yes play life, with respect.  You give respect, you get respect.  “Yes, sir” and “No, sir”.  You work hard regardless of pay and go above and beyond without being told.

So again I look down at my list:

Patrick Roy? domestic abuse.
Barry Bonds?  steroids.
Michael Jordan?  infidelity.
Pete Rose?  cheating.
O.J Simpson?  murder.
Even Bill Russell divorced twice.

Is there anyone I can pick?

I’m at my whits end with this cruel and twisted version of “America’s Idle” and I try to think back on my own good memories in sports and the name Meadowlark Lemon comes back to me as earlier mentioned.  You know, I met Meadowlark once with my father, mother and my two brothers in Charlotte, North Carolina.  At the time I had vague clue of who he actually was.  I was 11 at the time and he was tall, so I figured he was a basketball player.  Anyone that tall was always a basketball player when you’re 11.  I don’t remember much of that exchange with Mr. Lemon.  A picture.  A signature on a napkin from inside the Cracker Barrel.  A smile and a few kind words.  But I do remember him saying to us, which I found out was one of his favorite phrases years later, “You can be anything that you can imagine.”  What advice from a Hall of Famer who played ball with Presidents, dazzled millions and is now an ordained minister.  I found the answer to my father’s question, “Pick one.” in Meadowlark’s quote.

I pick my father.

All age-old questions but only one seems to have our attention this summer.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to downplay extraterrestrials, just in case they’re reading this and want to probe me on their next trip zippin around the galaxy or Ricky Martins Menudoesqe rise and fall to fame, again, due to his zombie-like 15-year stroll out of the closet.  LeBron James’s signing in Miami for 6 years in the summer of 2010 will go down as both the greatest signing and pairing in professional sports history or…I’ll say it:

The biggest bust ever.In any sport.
Ever.
Bigger than Ryan Leaf and Sam Bowie.  Combined. Times infinity. Plus one.

Both Miami and their Tri-fuego (like that?  that’s mine. copyright 2010. not really), will bring in 3, if not 4 rings out of the next 6 or Cleveland will be rejoicing and pointing the finger saying, “our freakishly loud-mouthed owner was right after all!”.  You think the Yankees have expectations every year?  All eyes will be on Miami for the next 6.

So what if the Tri-fuego doesn’t win even one?
What if?

Now I don’t necessarily hate LeBron James, in reality I hate everyone, but to keep this article going, he’s a tremendous basketball player.  Of his era.  First off, he can’t hold a can of shoe polish to Mike’s, Magic’s, Larry’s, Bill’s or Wilt’s shoes.  The nice ones with the Italian leather.  It’s only been 7 years.  Then again all these guys won rings in their first seven.  Some had multiple.

Secondly, what has LeBron done?  Really?  Take a look at my thoughts below.

MVP?

I'll trade ya

LeBron has 2 MVP’s in his first 7 years.  That’s not bad.  One of only other 9 guys to do it.  And the other 9 are already Hall of Famers with 2 soon-to-be’s once they hang’m up in Steve Nash and Timmy D.  But in all honesty do we really care about the MVP?  Really?  I could honestly care less about it.  It’s kind of like being an All-Star now a days.  I bet Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, Sir Charles and AI would give theirs up for 1 championship ring.  Karl Malone would hand over both for a chance to raise the Larry O’Brien trophy once.  For just a few minutes.

How many times do we hear about how the big names in any sport, Malone, Marino, Barkley, Bonds, and how they never won a championship?  That’s all you hear about their career.  You never hear about Malone’s 2 MVP’s or him scoring more career points than Jordan.  You hear, “He doesn’t have a ring”.  Marino has all those records but…doesn’t have a ring.  It’s a lot more than just having a ring though; I’ll get into that a little later.

Really? These are the next Jordan, Magic and Kobe?

Also look at LeBrons competition during his 2 MVP years.  He was up against an aging Kobe, Duncan and Shaq, a near rookie in Kevin Durant and oft-injured Chris Paul and Carmelo Anthony.  Dwayne Wade deserved it in 09 but his Heat team won 23 less games than LeBrons Cavs.  Is that the same as the 80′s battles of Magic, Bird, Isaiah, Barkley, Kareem and Drexler?  The 90′s of Jordan, Olajuwon, Malone, Pippen, Ewing and Robinson?  Or the early 2000′s with Kobe, Shaq, Duncan, Iverson, Garnett and Kidd?  Can you even compare that competition?  Other than Wade and Melo, who’s there now?

Winner?
I already clarified that he hasn’t won a championship but is he a winner in places that are more important?  To focus on the last few weeks, I say with my resounding burning bush voice, “NO”.  He’s proven to be a loser when it comes to handling his exit out of Cleveland.  Seven years as a leader of a team, a 2-time MVP and the face of a city and that’s how you go out?  I know it’s a business but there is also respect in business.  I don’t believe in the, “it’s all business” mentality.  People that say that are those that will rip your heart out on Monday and then ask why you weren’t into work on Tuesday.  It’s never “all business.”  There’s a personal part to every job, story and friendship.  When you’re the next face of a multi-billion dollar league, the best player in the game and oh… it’s your home town club that’s done everything by YOUR book it’s especially true.

Do you blame'm?

I know he doesn’t “technically” owe them anything but how hard would it be to make good on your send off?  It’s that difficult?  He could have paid me a handful of cash and a package of gummy worms and I could have written up about 5-6 exit strategies with class.

What if he left Cleveland with class?  What if?

We would of all go our separate ways saying he wanted to win a championship and he’s a nice guy.  Now he’s the bad boy and I’ll get to that a bit later. It was an ego trip.  A way to put himself above everyone else, like he needs to know that, and say, it’s about me.  Not you.  Me. Do you honestly think the so-called greatest free-agent in the last 20 years does not know where he’s going with only a day left?  You’re kidding me?

Here comes 3 months of my salary

It’s the prime years of his basketball life and he’s going to leave it up to the day before “The Decision”?  What a joke. He knew where he was going all along, so did Wade and Bosh.  They’re great friends and talk all the time.  My friends know if I’m not diggin a job or have plans on doing a side project and I have a handful of friends and my salary is equal to LeBron scoring 7 points.  For the season.

What if he handled it better?

Luke 6?
I don’t think LeBron grew up like me or my wife where the Word has a lot of bearing on your life.  I’m not here to preach or get all up in the Bible since this is a sports column not a religious article.   Making amends goes a long ways in the world and a simple word like “loyalty” is met with respect and fanfare. It’s said in many ways all over the world:

Do to others as you would have them do to you.
What goes around comes around.
Treat people like you would want to be treated.
Good Karma. Bad Karma.
You got my back?
Don’t stab me in the back.
What? Yo Tony, lest get’m.

He could have still been “the chosen one” instead of “the evil one”.  Think about all the players you followed in sports that have handled these situations in the same way as LeBron.  Just one example.

He just doesn't look right in purple eh?

Brett Farve. The guy everyone loves to hate.  He did it to himself just like LeBron.  Toying with us every year whether he’d hang’m up or not.  Than 4 years ago you left Green Bay while making a mockery of your legacy by getting a legal layover in NY then onto the Packers arch nemesis, The Vikings.  That’s like Superman joining forces with Lex Luther.  Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster would light themselves on fire it they wrote that on paper.  Then hate themselves enough to light the paper on fire while being on fire.

LeBron did just that.  He treated Cleveland like you would an old female friend you liked that turned you down for the high school prom 15 years ago and now you want to rub in your seven figure salary, model wife and brand new Lexus LS Hybrid.  You hate those guys don’t you? He could just handle it with respect and class, but no.  Now you just want it to come back at him like a tornado to a trailer park.  Lose his job, wife leaves him with everything and his Lexus breaks down in a really bad area of Cleveland.

Loyalty goes a long way in a legacy.  Especially in sports.
What if Jordan left Chicago for Detroit before the second three-peat?
What if Sidney Crosby left the Penguins for the Flyers after his cup raising?

So, what if he never wins another MVP?
What if he left Cleveland with class?
What if he gets what he’s done back on him?

But back to the first…last…question, what happens if LeBron never wins a championship in Miami?
I mean the odds are unlikely but what if?

Well…

What if the #199 pick in the 2000 NFL draft wins 3 Super Bowls?
What if the Third pick, not the First, in the 1984 NBA draft becomes the greatest player ever?
What if a skinny kid from Ontario that everyone said was too small and thin to play in the big leagues didn’t account for 61 NHL records?

Anything can happen.
My answers are clear.

No. FBI took her and her film. Refer to question one. Pass.
I don’t care since it’s really not all about championships.
More importantly LeBron, be sure to watch out when you’re driving your Lexus through Cleveland.

To Cleveland Fans

I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve this. Your city has endured enough. While LeBron was in Cleveland you were nothing but supportive and loyal. There’s nothing that can be said that will take away the sting of this, but let me offer you a few pieces of advice. Don’t follow Dan Gilbert’s lead. You’re better than that. Try not to blame LeBron for leaving. The Cavs management had plenty of chances to do what was necessary to keep him around but they didn’t. That’s not LeBron’s fault.

To Dan Gilbert

Give it up. You failed. You drove LeBron away. And every time you say or write something stupid, or pull some bullshit prank you’re just reminding everyone why LeBron left, and reassuring him that he made the right decision. Right now you have two options. Keep acting like a child. Or get your act together and start building the championship-calibur roster that you were never able to assemble while LeBron was in Cleveland. Art Rooney would never pull this crap.

To the Cavalier Players and Organization

Don’t be surprised. You knew this was coming. If he wanted to stay in Cleveland he would’ve said “I’m going to become a free agent but I hope to stay in Cleveland,” like so many other players have. But you the organization didn’t do their job putting a decent squad together, and you the players didn’t play well enough to be competitive. Danny Ferry, this is as much your fault as anyone else’s. Mo, if you can’t average more than 5 assists a game with LeBron on your squad, then we’ve got a problem. And if you’re not going to average more than 5 assists then you sure as hell better score more than 15 points per game. Antawn, I know you came in late, but you were an embarrassment in the Conference Semifinals. You were brought in to get the Cavs over the hump and you failed, miserably. Varejao, cut your hair. Shaq and Z, get younger. Delonte, we all know what you did. Not cool, man. Not cool.

To LeBron

You made the right decision. Don’t second-guess that for a minute. But you went about it in the worst way possible. From here on out you will be judged on two planes. First, your success. You must win multiple championships in Miami or this All-Star experiment will be viewed as a failure. But you knew that already. Second, how you handle yourself. You’ve done well by remaining pretty quiet on most topics. But that doesn’t change the fact that you shit all over the fans in Cleveland by leaving the way you did. And you need to make that up to them as best you can. You need to apologize publicly. You need to take out ads in Ohio newspapers. You need to make donations to charities and you need to continue to hold off-season events in Ohio if you wish to rebuild the damage you’ve done to your reputation.

To Maverick Carter

You’re new to this game, we get it. But you messed up big. Now is the time to come out and say so. Your client is taking all the heat (no pun intended). No step up like a man and take some responsibility. And because we know you’re new at this, we also know you have exactly zero experience handling PR nightmares. This one is up there as far as how bad they can get. Probably behind BP but ahead of Tiger Woods on the PR disaster rankings for recent history. So hire someone to help your client and clean this up. You could probably learn a thing or two in the process.

To Dwyane Wade

If you haven’t already, you need to thank LeBron. He has given you a great gift, and is taking all of the heat for it. He’s being chastised for being weak and not a leader because he’s going to play with you. But no one is saying anything about you asking him and Chris to come play with you. Play like we know you can, and make sure LeBron gets at least a couple of rings in Miami.

To Chris Bosh

You selfish bastard. You know you’re the weak link here. Everyone knows it. You had better have career years every year you’re in Miami. Because if you make LeBron look like an ass for coming to Miami to play with you and D-Wade, you will be the goat to end all goats. The Three Kings title is a joke. Everyone knows it’s really Two Kings and a Princess. So it would be in your best interest to put down your tiarra for a moment and tighten up your game.

To NBA Fans and the Sports Media

You asked for this, so I don’t know what you’re complaining about. You wanted a 1-hour LeBron special, and you got it. You wanted a trio of superstars to unite in one city (NY, Chicago, Miami, etc.) for sports greatness, and you got it.

In the week leading up to his decision, LeBron was faced with two basic choices. Chase the money or chase the rings. The entire world was preparing to tear LeBron apart in the event that he chased the money. He would be called greedy, and selfish, a quitter, a second-class athlete for not making winning a priority. Instead, he did what every sports fan wanted him to. He chose to chase the rings. And even now he’s getting blasted for it.

LeBron deserves to be criticized for how he let his advisors play out this free-agency like they did. But any other criticism is completely unwarranted and unfounded. To question his personality, integrity, competitiveness, desire to win and leadership is ludicrous. There’s more to being a leader than thumping your chest and telling everyone you’re the best. That’s just being an asshole. And despite “The Decision”, anyone being objective knows that that is not what LeBron is.

But ultimately, what can you do? Haters gonna hate.

Editor’s Note: No typefaces or type designers were hurt in the making of this letter.

Reporter: What do you think is happening to the team?
Richardson: The ship be sinking.
Reporter: How far can it sink?
Richardson: Sky’s the limit.

The sky is the limit indeed.

Eddy Curry was holding several Knicks players close during the Oklahoma City road trip

The Knicks most recent excuse for their dismal 15 and 22 record this season is something extraordinary. On a recent road trip which included a pit stop in Oklahoma City for an 18-point blowout loss, the Knicks later blamed their poor performance on ghosts. That’s right, ghosts. Several Knicks players complained after the game that they had gotten only a couple hours of sleep the previous night because of noises they heard in the historic and allegedly haunted Skirvin Hilton Oklahoma City hotel. One of the Knicks that was most disturbed by the haunting was Eddy Curry, who claimed he slept only two hours Sunday night before the game. That must have really effected the Knicks performance, since Curry never even made it off the bench.

And this can only be made more disappointing by a recent Knicks ad I saw that read:

No matter the opponent.

No matter the moment.

No fear plays here.

But apparently “No fear” does not play on the road. C’mon man!