The Drubbing

7:32 p.m.: ESPN shows Blake Griffin wearing a pastel purple shirt underneath his suit, but what stands out is his acne.

7:37 p.m.: Mark Jackson calls going to the Clippers a “great situation” for Blake Griffin.  That might be the first time in history that “great situation” and “Clippers” have been used in the same sentence.

7:39 p.m.: Approximately 3 minutes and 45 seconds into the allotted 5 minutes the Clippers finally select Blake Griffin.  How exciting!  The Clippers just selected Chris Wilcox with the Number 1 pick.  They should have taken Rubio and shipped Baron Davis out.  As stated in my mock draft, the Clippers will be regretting this pick soon.  The Draft now begins.

The newest member of the league's worst franchise

7:42 p.m.: Mark Jones conducts an interview of Blake Griffin.  Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal, but this year it is.  This year it reminds us all that ESPN made another terrible decision in a long line of terrible decisions (Stuart Scott generally, Tony Kornheiser on MNF, alienating Dan Patrick, and the list continues), they fired Stephen A. Smith.  We should all have a moment of silence for Stephen A.  I think I speak for the entire Drubbing crew when I say that I hope that Stephen A. resurfaces on television soon, as Stephen A. already has a fantastic blog and is tweeting (perhaps as I type this).  Stephen A. spoke the truth and gave real opinions, unfortunately at ESPN those are grounds for termination.  Stephen A. Smith is better than ESPN and I admire him for being true to himself while working at the clone factory that is the all sports network.

It doesn't get any worse than this

7:46 p.m.: Michael Olowokandi… I mean Hasheem Thabeet has been drafted.  As noted in my mock draft, this pick screams bust.  Inexplicably, Rubio again isn’t picked.  I guess Chris Wallace thinks that Mike Conley Jr. is the answer.  Unfortunately, Chris Wallace wouldn’t know talent if he was watching Michael Jordan work out.  Marc Gasol can rest easy because he isn’t losing his starting job any time soon.  Stuart Scott tells us that Hasheem means destroyer of evil.  Thanks for the insight Stu.  That really lets the audience know that Thabeet is going to be an impact player.  Nate adds that Hasheem’s suit makes him look like “a modern day Karl Malone.”

7:51 p.m.: Jay Bilas calls Tyreke Evans the best available player.  I wonder what qualifies Jay Bilas to evaluate talent.  Bilas went to Duke and we know how well their talent succeeds in the Association.

Taking "old school" to the next level

7:52 p.m.: Rubio is still on the board.  OKC takes James Harden and my mock is currently 3 for 3 (don’t worry the misses will start soon).  OKC caved to the desires of Russell Westbrook as expected.  Despite my feelings about this pick, I continue to love James Harden.  The beard is off the charts, but the bow tie puts him over the top.  The bow tie gets a 10.  Harden says he might shave the beard and this tells me all I need to know—he is a questionable decision maker.  ESPN now picks up on the bow tie and likes it, normally this would make me hate it, but I can’t—the bow tie is incredible.  The bow tie makes me feel like I might be wrong about Harden.

7:57 p.m.: Tyreke Evans is off the board. Sacramento needed a point guard and passed on the best point guard to come through the draft since CP3 and Deron Williams.  Evans is a good pick even though they passed on Rubio.  I hoped that the Kings would pass on Evans and take Curry so Rubio and Evans could play together in Minnesota.  I hear Evans is a good driver.

8:00 p.m.: Evans can speak English… barely.  No wonder he went to Memphis.

8:03 p.m.: Ricky Rubio is finally off the board.  As expected in my mock draft, Minnesota made the correct decision and drafted Rubio.  This is an incredible pick.  The suit is a 10; the tie is 10; the shirt is a 10; the hair is a 10; Rubio is the best dressed player in this Draft and the best looking player in this draft.  Fran Fraschilla says that he is the best passer to come into the draft in 10 years, and continued by calling him a Gretzky like player.  I couldn’t agree more.  I am surprised that Vitale isn’t on TV screaming right now about the Timberwolves passing on Ty Lawson.  Mark Jones asks “what NBA player are you like?”  Ricky Rubio replies “I’m Ricky Rubio; I’m not like anyone else.”  Stones.  Ego.  Rubio has everything you want.  Jay Bilas says “Rubio looks like a tennis player.”  Bilas, you look like a guy who wasn’t good enough to play in the NBA—shut up.

8:09 p.m.: Wow.  The Timberwolves go back to back point guards and take Johnny Flynn.  I think that there must be a trade coming.  Absent a trade, this pick makes me believe that Kevin McHale is still running the Timberwolves no matter what Glenn Taylor and David Kahn will have us believe.  Flynn is rocking a pink shirt.  As McNulty once said to Bunk on The Wire—“you know what they say about guys who wear pink.”

8:15 p.m.: Stephen Curry.  Again, my thoughts are well documented.  Not only is Steph lacking on the court, Steph makes Asher Roth look like a good rapper.  The goatee is an epic failure.  Stuart Scott tells us that Curry writes scripture on his shoes… that should be a good fit in a locker room that contains Monta Ellis, Stephen Jackson, and Corey Maggette.  See you in the lottery again next year GSW.

8:18 p.m.: Today is Dell Curry’s 45th birthday… more great insight from ESPN.

Oops, wrong Rachel Nichols

8:21 p.m.: The Knicks select Jordan Hill. The fans boo. The booing proves that New Yorkers know basketball.  Ryan echoes my sentiments about the boos, but I don’t know if he shares my feelings about Hill.  Joe texts in with “I hate being a Knicks fan.”  Joe is the mouthpiece for the City and Knicks fans everywhere.  Rachel Nichols interviews Donnie Walsh leading Ryan to add that Rachel Nichols has been the best part of ESPN’s cleavage, er coverage.

8:27 p.m.: DeMar DeRozan is heading to Toronto.  A city as fantastic as Toronto deserves better than DeMar DeRozan.  Doyle calls DeMar DeRozan “Demarr Johnson 2.0.”  Toronto can only hope that DeMar DeRozan is better behind the wheel of a car than Demarr Johnson.  Stu Scott adds that DeMar DeRozan dunked in 6^th grade.  Thanks Stu.  Clearly being able to dunk in the 6^th grade is an accurate predictor of NBA success.

8:30 p.m.: Stu Scott is still employed?

Always wondered why it didn't say "Young ₤"

8:33 p.m.: Young Money off the board.  Young Money decided not to come to the green room because he feared that he would slip too far.  So Young Money can talk about Rubio but he doesn’t have the stones to sit in the green room because he doesn’t know where he will get selected.  Stu Scott, incorrectly, tells us that Young Money chose to go to Italy to show he could play against better talent.  Memo to Stu: Young Money played in Italy because he couldn’t qualify.  Fire him now.

Karl Malone, you are now #2

8:38 p.m.: Terrence Williams will be replacing Vinsanity at the IZOD Arena . . . that should put fans in the seats.  Unfortunately, Terrence didn’t bring his High School Musical back pack with him.  Ryan, salty as always, comments that Rick Pitino like persons subject to a restraining order shouldn’t be allowed inside an NBA event because of what he did to the Celtics.  I disagree, I think Rick Pitino should still be making the decisions for the Celtics.  Nate adds “Like Michael Jackson can’t come within 100 feet of children?  Too early?”  Terrence Williams’ interview was the best of the night.  ESPN wanted him to stop talking, fearing what would come next, but he wouldn’t calling Jay Bilas a “great guy” with the camera squarely on Stu Scott’s bad eye.  Terrence’s suit has surpassed Hasheem’s and he now is the leader in the clubhouse for the 2009 NBA Draft’s Karl Malone Award.

8:44 p.m.: The Bobcats are on the clock, how is 45 going to mess this up.  Adam Morrison?  No, he already did that.  Kwame Brown?  No he did that too.  45 selects Gerald Henderson.  This shouldn’t do anything but destroy 45’s legacy of making terrible draft picks.  Another Duke player another bust.  Joe points out that the Bobcats still haven’t realized that there are colleges outside of North Carolina (Sean May, Ray Felton, etc.).  Ryan adds that 45 probably called that in from the poker table at the Bellagio.

Mark Jackson literally was better than that

8:50 p.m.: Wow!  Larry Bird continues to demonstrate his ineptitude.  Nate adds “one Jeff Foster isn’t enough?”  Stu can’t contain his excitement.  A fellow Tarhole just got drafted!  Bilas adds “no one is going to want to go against Hansbrough all game long.”  That would require Hansbrough to get off the bench, which won’t happen.  Mark Jackson called Hansbrough “one of the greatest college players of all time.”  Mark Jackson, you’re better than that.  Tyler’s college career is over.  A lot of guys were great college players.  Junior Burrough was a great college player at Virginia—we all saw how far that took him in the Association.

8:55 p.m.: Earl Clark is off the board.  But the real news-maker here is that Brandon Jennings who earlier wasn’t present in the Green Room because he was scared that he would slide further than a house in California when it rains.  That tells you everything you need to know about Young Money he has as about as much courage as Michael Vick’s dogs after he got done with them.  It’s a good thing Young went to Italy because he will be back there soon minus the Under Armour endorsement.

8:57 p.m.: At this point one is left to wonder how Stu Scott remains employed by ESPN.

The non-porn star resembling Van Gundy brother

8:58 p.m.: Bilas has an affinity for length.  Doyle provides the following gem: “Next time Bilas says someone has great length I want Jeff Van Gundy to reply “I’ll show you some length, Bilas.”

9:01 p.m.: Austin Daye.  Doyle says Austin Daye looks like Farnsworth Bentley.  His suit is at best number 3 for the night behind Rubio and Harden.  Dumars continues to demonstrate that former NBA stars don’t know how to draft.  Maybe Joe D, Larry Bird, and 45 can have a good laugh about it on the golf course.  Austin says he has been dealing with “physicalness” for his entire life.  I don’t think we will find “physicalness” in Webster.

Only thing Vitale loves more than UNC and Duke, yelling at the camera

9:05 p.m.: Vitale makes an appearance.  Of course Vitale loves the Hansbrough pick.  He loved the J.J. Redick pick.  Vitale says that Hansbrough will average 14 points and 8 rebounds per game.  Vitale says that OKC will regret drafting Curry.  And then says something about players with potential getting coaches fired.  ESPN’s draft coverage has gone straight down hill since the Rachel Nichols appearance.  The entire Drubbing crew implores Dick to stop screaming.  Nate adds that Tyler is the “biggest grown ass baby in the Draft.”

9:08 p.m.: James Johnson is off the board.  Good luck as a 6’7” four in the NBA James, and please keep talking smack about CP3, which should work out really well for you.

9:11 p.m.: Van Gundy’s head looks extra glossy.  I think they put some shine on it during the last commercial break.

9:12 p.m.: Jrue Holliday is off the board.  Ryan can’t believe that the 76ers just drafted Mac from Predator.  He should have gone at least 10 picks earlier.  Ryan questions whether Holliday has hit puberty, which doesn’t matter.  I’m not sure if CP3 has hit puberty yet and he is top 5 already.  Bilas says he needs to improve his shooting, which is meaningless coming from a former player that couldn’t shoot.  Jrue Holliday is a great interview and extremely well spoken.  The pastel green is a 10.  Jrue was the team manager of the girls’ tennis team in high school.  I like where this kid’s head is at, he has star written all over him.

9:18 p.m.: Stuart Scott still hasn’t been fired.

9:19 p.m.: The Timberwolves are on fantasy auto-draft—3 picks, 3 point guards.  Amazingly, Bilas doesn’t like Shrimp Lawson’s length.  Nate adds that the only person having a worse day than Sebastein Telfair is Michael Jackson.

9:22 p.m.: In the 2012 NBA draft, Jay Bilas will have the same hair style as Jeff Van Gundy.

9:23 p.m.: The Hawks select Jeff Teague.  He should work out for them about as well as Acie Law IV.  We find it ironic that Teague wears 0 because that is what he will amount to in the league.

9:27 p.m.: Joe assumes that the Jazz will select Chase Budinger since he matches the white uniforms.

9:28 p.m.: I say “there couldn’t be a worse fit for Eric Maynor.”  Nate replies, “yes, there could be, but nobody believes that the Timberwolves will take another point guard.”  Since a VCU player was picked, Stu Scott felt it appropriate to mention UNC for the thousandth time in the draft tonight.  Joe wonders whether Stu can find anymore ways to mention UNC.  Ryan adds that if Stu continues to mention UNC, then his eyes may go lazy… oh wait.  Maynor was a great pick, but Utah is a horrible fit.  Maynor would start for a lot of teams and now finds himself firmly planted on the bench behind Deron Williams.

9:33 p.m.: Stu Scott still hasn’t been fired.

9:33 p.m.: The Hornets select Darren Collison.  According to Bilas, Collison’s parents were world class sprinters.  Great insight as always from ESPN’s draft expert Jay Bilas.  When is the Draft moving back to TNT?  Collison is in attendance—he paid for a seat.  I thought only Europeans did that.  Collison is bucking the trend.  Nate adds that “the Summer League is the closest that Collison will get to the NBA.”

Mark Jackson, always a wealth of insight

9:34 p.m.: Doyle calls our attention to ESPN’s onscreen graphic, which provides this gem from Mark Jackson: Portland’s Need—Best Available Player according to Mark Jackson.  Doyle thanks Mark Jackson for all of the research that went into that scouting piece.

9:37 p.m.: Nate asks whether a point guard worse than Collison will be drafted tonight.  Doyle replies “not unless my name is dropped into a hat.”

9:39 p.m.: Joe wants to make sure that everyone knows that Tamir Goodman “the Jewish Jordan” is still available.  I’m pretty sure that the Jewish Jordan has been eligible as a free agent for several years now.  Nate wonders whether an NBA team would be required to pay him for the games he doesn’t play on the Sabbath.

9:40 p.m.: Victor Claver from Espana is on a plane to play with his boy Rudy Fernandez in Portland.  Fran Fraschilla says he has lottery pick talent.  Fran also thought that Skita had #1 overall pick talent when the Nuggets selected him, so we know what Fran’s opinion is worth.  Nate and Ryan are shocked that a Ginger went so high.

9:41 p.m.: Shaq interview.  Shaq sends his condolences to the Jackson family, and this is why the entire Drubbing crew loves him.  Apparently Shaq has had many mental conversations with Lebron.  I don’t know what a mental conversation is but I like it.  Nate adds that it’s about time someone poured some out for the King of Pop.  My question is whether it’s Pepsi, the taste of a new generation, that they are pouring out.

9:45 p.m.: Omar Casspi is finally selected.  He will be better than Psycho T contrary to Vitale’s nonsense.  Omar Casspi plays for Maccabi Tel Aviv, a perennial powerhouse overseas.  Ryan wonders whether Omar will wear a yarmulke in game.  I have the same question.  Fran Fraschilla says that Sacramento better have a lot of falafel.  Joe drops this gem: “Does he realize that the entire Middle East does eat falafel?”

9:48 p.m.: Stu Scott still hasn’t been fired.

9:49 p.m.: BJ Mullens from The Ohio State University.  Bilas says that BJ needs to learn how to play.  Ryan asks “how old can you be before teaching someone how to play is a lost cause 12?”  As stated in my mock draft, BJ smells a lot like Robert Swift.  Now that he has been selected by Dallas, I think that BJ smells a lot like Pavel Podkolzine.  Have fun in Russia BJ.  Let me know how that works out.

9:54 p.m.: We have a European in the stands!  Finally!  Nate guesses that Fran will love him, and, Nate’s right!  Rodrigue should have a long prosperous career like Jeryl Sasser.  Since Rodrigue needs to improve his point guard IQ, Ryan hopes you can coach that.

9:59 p.m.: We have returned from another commercial break and Stu Scott still hasn’t been fired.

10:00 p.m.: Taj Gibson?

10:02 p.m.: Bilas’ best available continues to scroll.  We are all surprised that after each player’s name it doesn’t say either “upside” or “long” since those are the only adjectives that Bilas knows how to use.

10:04 p.m.: The Grizzlies draft room can be described in one word “confused.”

10:06 p.m.: Demare Carroll to Memphis.  Joe Price on Demare Carroll—“Needs to Improve: Liver.”  Nate says he’s heard that Tennessee does great liver transplants, and he is actually serious.  According to Nate, Tennessee has a short liver transplant list, leading Steve Jobs to travel to Tennessee to obtain a new liver.

10:07 p.m.: The Timberwolves are about to select a point guard.

10:12 p.m.: The Drubbing crew questions David Stern’s manhood as a result of his waive to the New York crowd.  The Timberwolves selected Wayne Ellington.  Shockingly, Bilas thinks Ellington is a solid pick.  Surprisingly enough, Ellington played in the ACC.  Joe Forte… I mean Wayne Ellington… should work out great for the Timberwolves.

10:14 p.m.: Ryan believes that he saw Roy Williams drinking a PBR.  Ryan adds that Roy looks like a Pabst guy.

10:16 p.m.: The Knicks make a great pick to make up for their earlier failure—Toney Douglas.  After consideration, Toney Douglas reminds us of Ben Gordon.  At the very least, Toney provides an upgrade over the 5’9” Nate Robinson.  The D’Antoni system is perfect for Toney and he should explode on the scene like Leandro Barbosa did in Phoenix.

10:18 p.m.: Joe is distraught over the Darko trade.  With respect to Jeff Van Gundy’s commentary on the trade Joe dropped another gem: “I just realized, Van Gundy has a foot fetish . . . think about it, he just said ‘Darko has great feet,’ and he was last seen hanging onto Mourning’s leg trying to remove his shoe.  He is like Woogie from Something About Mary.”  NBA players, you have been warned . . . don’t take your shoes off when Jeff Van Gundy’s in the gym.

10:22 p.m.: Stu just said Shaq is the best passing big man in the League.  Someone forgot about Brad Miller.  Seriously ESPN, fire Stu.

10:23 p.m.: Lebron needs help and he didn’t get it.  The Cavaliers select… Christian Eyenga?  As per usual, Christian is in the crowd.  Ryan says his highlight video is worse than Yi.

10:25 p.m.: The First Round is over.  King Stern finally leaves the stage.  The lightening round is on tap.  Dajuan Blair who would kill for Robert Parish’s 65 year old knees is still on the Board.  Nate thinks that it’s a good thing that Stern is off the stage, hypothesizing that his poor performance is an indication that he has the swine flu.  With the end of the First Round, we still don’t have the end of Stu Scott.

10:32 p.m.: Adam Silver, nice ears.

10:36 p.m.: The Wizards make their first and only selection of the Draft—Jermaine Taylor.  I think the Wizards could use a few more guards.  I guess Nick Young, Mike James, Gibert Arenas, Randy Foye, Mike Miller, Juan Dixon, Dominic McGuire, and DeShawn Stevenson aren’t enough.

10:38 p.m.: Adam Silver really likes the word convey.  Trade works just fine for me.

10:39 p.m.: DeJuan Blair and his 70 year old knees just slipped below Dante Cunningham.  I’m sure that Blair is glad that he passed on his final 2 years of eligibility.

How do you spell 'bust' in Serbian, that's right 'Darko Miličić'

10:46 p.m.: Joe’s computer froze with the Knicks trade for Darko.  How fitting.

10:47 p.m.: Why you don’t stop watching the Draft in the Second Round.  Stu asks Rod Thorn why he traded Vince, an attendee screams “Because he sucks!”  Priceless.

10:50 p.m.: Stu Scott is still talking and still hasn’t been fired.

10:51 p.m.: Nate calls Sam Young the best pick of the draft at #36.  Nate is wrong.  The best pick of the Draft went at #5.

10:52 p.m.: DeJuan Blair doesn’t have any ACL’s any more.  That makes moving difficult.  I told you he’d kill for Robert Parrish’s knees.  Nate adds “if Blair can drop 50 lbs, (i) his knees will last more than 2 years and (ii) he won’t be playing in Norway in 2010.”

10:53 p.m.: Stu starts talking about DeJuan’s ink.  Stu has a mancrush on any guy with ink so I knew he couldn’t hold it in much longer.

A preview of Andy Katz's upcoming clothing line

10:55 p.m.: Observations about Andy Katz another of the ESPN superstars: (i) from Ryan: “I feel like Andy Katz looks like he goes to Techno Clubs or on The Grind”; (ii) from Nate: “Katz wears a paisley button-down, but only buttons the bottom 4 buttons; (iii) from me “Katz looks like he belongs on The Real Housewives of New York.”

10:58 p.m.: Jonas Jerebko comes off the board.  Adam Silver adds “who is actually here tonight!”  Must be Adam’s first draft, the euro-players are always in the crowd.

11:04 p.m.: Chris Wallace calls FedEx Arena one of the greatest arenas in the world?

11:09 p.m.: Dickie V’s impressions are upcoming.  We expect (i) outrage over Danny Green (Nate); (ii) outrage over JJ Redick sliding before he realizes that JJ Redick has been in the league for 3 year with his tailbone firmly planted on the bench (me); (iii) talk about how Tyler Hansbrough should have gone higher (Ryan).

11:13 p.m.: Vitale is screaming nonsense.  Vitale hates potential, he thinks it’s overvalued.  I guess Lebron and Kobe were too highly regarded.

11:17 p.m.:  The Minnesota Timberwolves select point guard Nick Calathes.  Way to go out on a limb Dave… I mean Kevin.  Nate calls Calathes a poor man’s Ricky Rubio.  If by poor Nate means homeless, then he is correct.  Calathes is Rubio minus the defensive ability, speed, quickness, court vision, and good looks.

11:19 p.m.: The King needs help.  The King doesn’t get it.  Danny Green should look good in Poland.  Danny Green’s positives are listed as energy a/k/a Red Bull a/k/a a heartbeat.

11:20 p.m.: Stu Scott makes another UNC reference.  Stu Scott still has a job.

11:26 p.m.: Moments after Fran told us that Henk Norel played with Ricky Rubio, Stu Scott informs us all that Hank played with Ricky Rubio.  Thanks for that Stu.  This reminds us that Stu Scott still works for ESPN.

11:34 p.m.: Inspired by Taylor Griffin’s selection Nate creates a lesser brother starting 5 by position: (1) Brent Barry; (2) Gerald Wilkins; (3) Charles O’Bannon; (4) Harvey Grant; (5) Robin Lopez.

11:35 p.m.: Stu Scott’s tattoo fetish continues as he informs viewers that Jack McClinton has 16 tattoos.  I have this piece of advice for Jack—stay away from Stu, you don’t know what might happen.

11:36 p.m.: The Pacers picked up a solid point guard if A.J. Price can steal basetkballs on the court as well as he steals laptops off the court.

11:45 p.m.: Patty Mills goes off the board at number 55.  Mills is headed to Portland where he will sit behind Steve Blake and Jerryd Bayless.  Nice choice to give up those last two years of eligibility Patty.  Have fun when you head back to Australia in a year.  We’ll see you get dominated in London in 2012.

11:47 p.m.: Ryan refers to new Timberwolves GM (though I’m still not convinced he replaced Kevin McHale) as a standup comedian gone bad due to what may be one of the worst interviews we have ever seen.

Looks like the C's discovered Lester at a pick-up game, oh wait that was his college coach

11:53 p.m.: Nate and Ryan rejoice as the Celtics are finally on the clock.  Ryan is chanting “Let’s Go C’s.”  Doyle is more excited for next year as he is hoping to add Mark Titus to the stable.  Lester Hudson is the pick.  Nate and Ryan ask “Who?”  I don’t know what they were expecting in the lightening round but Ainge has been successful (Power, Glen Davis, Bill Walker, etc.).  Anytime you can add a player named Lester to your team, your team gains substantial toughness points.

12:01 a.m.: Stu Scott just threw another player/coach/GM under the bus.  That never happens.  Seriously ESPN, how does Stu remain employed.  With job security like that you would think he had a GM union card.

12:07 a.m.: Mr. Irrelevant is Robert Dozier.  Perhaps if he could’ve qualified at Georgia he would have gone higher.  The 2009 NBA Draft is complete.  Somehow Stu Scott remains employed by ESPN.  Jay Bilas inexplicably continues to analyze the picks.  We will be back next year when, hopefully, King Stern unilaterally takes the draft and returns it to TNT.