The Drubbing

Brett Farve makes Sean Glennon (and his girl) want to vomit

As if Tarvaris Jackson wasn’t bad enough.

Undrafted free agent rookie quarterback Sean Glennon recently entered the Viking’s spring rookie camp looking for a charitable roster spot donation by his former Virginia Tech college quarterbacks coach, current Viking assistant Kevin Rodgers. Rodgers was last seen around perennial backup Glennon in 2005 when he abruptly left Blacksburg, VA immediately after his star quarterback stomped Elvis Dummervil’s leg into submission and ended his college statutory rape, drug arrest, dogfighting, playing career. Upon realizing Sean Glennon would be his starter the following season, Rodgers bolted for anything paying.

Marcus' new dance, the Hokie Stomp

For those that do not know Sean, his trademark play, the “Sean Glennon Special,” involves standing like a statue in the pocket for 10 seconds locked onto a single receiver lined up in the flat, holding onto the ball while 3rd round draft pick Michael Johnson from the University of Georgia (Tech) blasts his blind side and returns the inevitable fumble for a touchdown. Glennon’s pocket awareness was so poor as a junior that he could not guide an offense with 3 senior future NFL wide receivers to an offensive ranking higher than 100. And wonder why you hadn’t heard Eddie Royal’s name before his breakout rookie season with Denver? It’s because Sean Glennon had been his quarterback for the previous 7 seasons (including high school).

The most ineffective tandem in NCAA football

Don’t believe for a second that playing for a team that’s never won a Super Bowl was the top of Sean Glennon’s list, I’m sure Sean’s wondering why the New England Patriots didn’t give him a look. After all, they love guys that weren’t good enough to start their senior season.

In his junior season, Glennon was unseated by true freshman Tyrod Taylor after a stunningly bad 48-7 loss at LSU. Glennon’s successor was such a raw QB that he finished the 2008 season with a 2:5 TD/INT ratio and Glennon still rode the pine for the entire season. And if losing your job to a kid that doesn’t understand the concept of a progression isn’t bad enough, Glennon will likely lose his chance at a practice squad spot to the NFL’s all-time leader in INTs (310), one Brett Fav-rah.

Why is Brett still crying, everyone stopped crying for him after the first six times he retired

The less talented Michael Jordan of the NFL, Brett Farve’s story has more twists than an episode of 24. Just when you thought that John Madden would retire, unable to talk about Bretty for 4 preseason, 17 regular season games, and 4 weeks of payoffs, Farve-rah decides he would really like to prove once again that that a 40 year old quarterback can’t win a Super Bowl and Madden returns with the Outback tour bus. I really believe he only retires to receive attention crying in front of the camera. Listening to a Brett Farve interview is akin to hearing an upper middle class suburbanite emo kid sing about the horrors of having everything handed to him.

And come on Brett, wasn’t the 3 INT playoff missing failure against the Dolphins to end the season enough? Do we really have to sit through another 80 QB rating season by a former MVP?

And if either of these two options don’t work, perhaps someone could inform Brad Childress that Percy Harvin had a 76 THP QB Rating in NCAA 09 on 360? Gimmicky college formations were all the rage last year, and I’m sure Harvin and Purple Jesus could run a little Gator Heavy read option. It could be the fall’s new fashion!

"Brett Farve + John Madden = Sexy Time!"

The Minnesota Vikings have assured themselves 8 in the box on every play this fall by looking at washed up and untalented quarterbacks. There’s no denying Glennon got his chance through connections (note: Graham Harrell is still available). Farve is only in the picture so that the Vikings can try to embarrass their conference rivals with their own Hall of Famer. He’ll be around for one mediocre season max and then it’s back to having no one that can carry the title “QB of the Future.” Adrian Peterson will once again have to carry the Vikings on his shoulders this season (and for the foreseeable future). Their only hope can be to keep QB play poor and pray that Purp. He-Zeus doesn’t lead the Vikes right out of the Sam Bradford lottery and into the Ryan Leaf Tim Tebow sweepstakes.