The Drubbing

The authorities in the county of South Carolina where Michael Phelps was allegedly photographed taking a huge bong rip are currently working on building a case against him. My advice to small town cops like these: get over yourself, and stop trying to build a career on a celebrity that stumbled (albeit, high as a kite) into your little corner of The Real America.

Building a case for what charge? Setting a bad example for the children of America? We all know he’s guilty of that, even he admitted it. But there’s no crime there. And how is this case going to be proven? I’m sure the chain of custody on that photo is about as secure as those 10-year old bloody needles that Brian McNamee gave the cops to bust Roger Clemens. How do you intend to prove that Phelps was smoking pot in the first place? I’m sure Phelps was the only one that used that bong, so if you find it, his set of prints will be crystal clear and the only ones on it. And will the witness list include anyone that isn’t a dope-smoking hippie?

So Phelps took a bong rip in your town, get over it. Your time would be much better spent chasing down the civil rights violating Klan members, drunk drivers that are killing South Carolina citizens and meth labs. Make your own career. Don’t ask Michael Phelps to do it for you. I hope the next time that Lt. Chris Cowan of the Richland County sheriff’s office gets his name in the paper it’ll be for something that actually servers the people he’s supposed to protect.